The Stars and Stripes

HISTORIANS REPORT

AS PREPARED BY

"KURTeous MAXIMVS" XNGH

FOR THE GENERAL MEETING OF

THE ANCIENT AND HONORABLE ORDER OF

E CLAMPUS VITUS

LORD SHOLTO DOUGLAS CHAPTER No. 3

November 19, 1999 C.Y. 6004

WHEN THE UNITED STATES WAS STILL CALLED THE AMERICAN COLONIES THERE WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO CALLED FOR INDEPENDENCE FROM GREAT BRITAIN. AT THE SAME TIME HOWEVER THERE WERE A GREAT NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO WERE STILL LOYAL TO THE CROWN THESE PEOPLE WERE CALLED APPROPRIATELY ENOUGH, LOYALISTS.

THERE WAS A THIRD GROUP OF CITIZENS WHO WERE JUST TRYING TO KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER THROUGH COMPROMISE

IT IS BECAUSE OF THIS THIRD GROUP OF COLONIALS THAT THE FIRST "AMERICAN" FLAG WAS CREATED.

UP UNTIL THAT TIME EACH COLONY HAD IT'S OWN MILITIA THAT FOUGHT UNDER THE BRITISH "UNION JACK". THE CONTINENTAL FLAG WAS DESIGNED TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY IT FEATURED THE UNION JACK IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER OF A FIELD OF RED AND WHITE STRIPES

THIS WAS SIMILAR TO A BRITISH NAVAL ENSIGN WHICH HAD THE UNION JACK IMPOSED ON A WHITE FIELD.

THE REASON FOR SUCH A CONFIGURATION WAS A VERY PRACTICAL ONE.

WHEN TRYING TO CONVEY A DISTRESS SIGNAL AT SEA IT'S CUSTOMARY TO INVERT THE SHIP'S FLAG.

BY FLYING YOUR COLORS UPSIDE DOWN YOU CAN SUMMON OTHER SHIPS TO YOUR AID.

THE UNION JACK ITSELF APPEARS THE SAME WHEN INVERTED, FOR THAT REASON IT MAKES A LOUSY NAVAL ENSIGN.

THE REASON FOR THE PLACEMENT IN THE UPPER LEFT CORNER IS EVEN MORE PRACTICAL WHEN HIGH WINDS TATTER THE FLAG THE IMPORTANT PART WILL STILL BE INTACT.

WHEN THE HOSTILITIES ENSUED BETWEEN THE BRITISH REDCOATS AND THE CONTINENTAL ARMY IT WAS NECESSARY TO CHANGE THE UNION JACK IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER TO SOMETHING ELSE.

THE BLUE BACKGROUND WAS KEPT BUT THE VARIOUS CROSSES OF THE UNITED KINGDOM WERE REPLACED BY THIRTEEN STARS ARRANGED IN AN ARC OVER THE NUMBER "76". IT WAS TO BE A CONSTELLATION OF STARS ARRANGED AROUND THE YEAR WHICH UNIFIED THEM

THIS HAS COME TO BE KNOWN AS THE BENINGTON FLAG.

(CONTRARY TO THE POPULAR MYTH BETSY ROSS DID NOT DESIGN THIS OR ANY OTHER FLAG.)

THIS WAS THE FIRST VERSION OF WHAT CAME TO BE KNOWN AS "THE STARS AND STRIPES." ALTHOUGH SOME MILITIAS WERE STILL USING THE PREVIOUS CONTINENTAL FLAG AND OTHERS WERE USING VARIATIONS OF THE "DONT TREAD ON ME" SERPENT,

IN TIME ALL WOULD FIGHT UNDER THE VENERABLE STARS AND STRIPES.

THE FOUNDING FATHERS ALSO GAVE US A CODE OF ETIQUETTE

THE REASON THAT IT IS FOLDED INTO A COMPACT TRIANGLE WITH NO RED OR WHITE VISIBLE WAS TO ENABLE THE BEARER TO MAKE IT APPEAR TO THE BRITISH SOLDIERS AS THOUGH SAID BEARER WAS ACTUALLY CARRYING A TRICORNERED HAT WHICH WERE QUITE POPULAR AT THE TIME.

IF YOU WERE CAUGHT WITH THE STARS AND STRIPES IN YOUR POSSESSION YOU WOULD BE HANGED FOR TREASON .

THE REASON THAT WE STILL OBSERVE THIS TRADITION IS VERY LOGICAL AS WELL.

IT MUST BE EASILY IDENTIFIED WHEN IT IS FOUND IN IT'S STORED CONDITION THEREFORE IT MUST ALWAYS BE FOLDED IN ACCORDANCE

WITH TRADITION.

WHENEVER A FLAG IS FOUND TO BE UNSERVICEABLE IT SHOULD BE TURNED OVER TO THE AMERICAN LEGION FOR CEREMONIAL DESTRUCTION. IT SHOULD NEVER BE USED FOR ANY OTHER THAN IT'S INTENDED PURPOSE

NEVER FLY THE STARS AND STRIPES AND THE FLAG OF ANOTHER COUNTRY ON THE SAME POLE THIS SYMBOLIZES A MILITARY VICTORY AND IS A GRAVE INSULT TO THE UNDERLYING FLAG.

A PROPER DISPLAY OF THIS TYPE WOULD PROVIDE FLAGS OF EQUAL SIZE ON STAFFS OF EQUAL HEIGHT

WHEN CALIFORNIA BECAME THE THIRTY SEVENTH STATE IT CREATED A PROBLEM. YOU SEE UP UNTIL THEN PRIME NUMBERS HAD BEEN AVOIDED THE NUMBER THIRTY SEVEN IS ONLY DIVISIBLE BY ITSELF AND THE NUMBER ONE. THIS MADE FOR AN UNLIKELY PATTERN OF STARS, BUT BECAUSE OF CALIFORNIA'S IMPORTANCE IT WAS IMPERATIVE THAT IT BE ADDED TO THE FLAG AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

THUS THE CALIFORNIA ADMISSION FLAG HAS THE ODDEST PATTERN OF STARS OF ANY OF THE VERSIONS

THE NATIONAL ANTHEMS OF OTHER COUNTRIES TYPICALLY EXTOL THE VIRTUES OF A GREAT LAND, A GREAT MONARCH OR A GREAT REVOLUTION.

OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IS ABOUT THAT WHICH CAN NEVER BE POLLUTED, CORRUPTED OR DENIGRATED

OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IS NOT ABOUT WAR

OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IS ABOUT A RECTANGULAR PIECE OF FABRIC THAT WEARS LIKE IRON

OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IS CALLED THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER AND ITS ABOUT

A FLAG CALLED THE STARS AND STRIPES

FYIK

Sharpstone

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT BROTHER SHARPSTONE

I DIDN'T SAY ANY THING AT HIS MEMORIAL SERVICE AND

I'VE BEEN KICKING MYSELF IN THE ASS EVER SINCE

NOT TOO MANY BROTHERS COULD HOLD A CANDLE TO THIS GUY

HE DIDN'T REALLY FIT THE CLAMPER STEREOTYPE

HE WASN'T LOUD OR BRASH

HE WAS ALWAYS READY TO HELP OUT AND NEVER WANTED ANYTHING IN RETURN

IN THE ENTIRE TIME I KNEW HIM I DON'T THINK I EVER HEARD HIM COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING

HE WAS ONE OF THOSE RARE BROTHERS WHO ALWAYS CHOSE HIS WORDS

AND ALWAYS HELD HIS LIQUOR WELL

TO PUT IT SIMPLY HE DIDN'T REALLY STAND OUT IN THE CROWD

TOMMY STOOD OUT IN A WHOLE DIFFERENT WAY

TOMMY WAS A REDSHIRT'S REDSHIRT

IF I EVER NEEDED OUT OF A TIGHT SPOT

HE WAS DEFINITELY ON THE SHORT LIST OF BROTHERS THAT I WOULD BE ABLE TO CALL

WHEN I LAST TALKED TO HIM TOMMY KNEW THAT HIS NUMBER WAS UP

I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD HANDLE THAT KIND OF KNOWLEDGE

THE WORLD IS A LITTLE COLDER NOW THAT HE'S GONE

AND I SINCERELY BELIEVE THAT HE WILL BE MISSED BY EVERYONE

EVEN THOSE WHO DIDN'T KNOW HIM

WHAT SAY THE BRETHREN!

FYIK

"CREDO QUIA ABSURDUM"